


Strong Enough (to do this on your own)

by That_One_Curly_Haired_Fangirl



Series: I'm the same, I'm the same (I'm trying to change) [1]
Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Found Family, Geralt has a troubled past, Geralt's journey to fatherhood, Minor Character Death, Other, Pavetta deserved better, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27677152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_One_Curly_Haired_Fangirl/pseuds/That_One_Curly_Haired_Fangirl
Summary: In the midst of trying to get his own life together (and keep it together, with mixed success) Geralt decides to try adoption.It's not an easy journey, but will it be worth it in the end?
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Geralt z Rivii & Jaskier | Dandelion & Yennefer z Vengerbergu, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Pavetta, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Jaskier | Dandelion/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: I'm the same, I'm the same (I'm trying to change) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039370
Comments: 14
Kudos: 28





	Strong Enough (to do this on your own)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is the first part of a modern AU that I've been working on for a while now (the other one is a much more lighthearted Yenneskier fic). It's experimenting with a different style than I usually do, and I blame reading too much of summerfrost's fics for that (go read them if you haven't; they're long but so good). I hope you enjoy! It gets a bit heavy, but if you've read my other stuff you should know I am, at my core, a softie. 
> 
> Title comes from _Welly Boots_ by The Amazing Devil because I'm basic.

“Do you ever think about having kids?” Geralt glances over, but Yennefer’s focus stays on the ceiling above them.

Geralt shifts the arm cushioned below his head and takes a deep breath. This is certainly different than his pillow talk with Jaskier. “Sometimes.”

He can hear the surprise in her voice. “Really?”

He shrugs, as much as possible in his current position. “Sometimes. Not sure if I’d want to…you know. The old fashioned way. But maybe getting a kid out of the foster system.” He takes a breath, skipping things he wasn’t ready to share. “It’s not a great place to be.”

Yennefer hums thoughtfully. “I’m not even done with law school. I’m not ready, for whatever it may be.” Out of the corner of his eye, Geralt sees her turn to him. “But that sounds good; you should do it someday.”

He decides not to point out that she didn’t say “we.” This thing is still new, after all.

\----

The thing gets less new. Yen finishes law school. When Triss moves out, he moves in with Yen and leaves Jaskier at their old apartment.

There’s a spare bedroom. Geralt starts looking at adoption websites, not telling Yennefer yet. He isn’t applying for anything, just looking. Maybe deciding on ones he might like, ones that seem like they treat everyone involved well.

\----

He and Yennefer get drunk and nearly get married; Jaskier has to talk them out of it. 

They haven’t talked about marriage yet.

Once the hangover starts to clear, Yennefer looks at him differently. “Did we want that? Or was it just the gin?”

He isn’t able to answer.

\----

His and Yennefer’s relationship had always been…difficult. Tumultuous, Jaskier would say. Jaskier’s almost finished with undergrad but already talking about going back. He doesn’t complain when Geralt moves back in, just gets drunk with him.

Geralt doesn’t realize he’d filled out the information on one of the adoption agency websites until the next morning, and he decides to hit submit anyways. They probably won’t reach out to him anyways, right?

\----

They reach out to him.

\----

Pavetta is young, which is the first thing he notices when he goes down to the adoption office to meet her. She looks nervous, and Geralt finds himself relaxing his shoulders in a way that he knows makes himself look smaller, less threatening.

She still looks nervous. “You’re Geralt?”

“Yes.” He sits down across from her. “You’re considering adoption?”

Her hand goes to her still-flat stomach in a gesture that probably isn’t fully conscious, and she bites her lip. “I’m looking into options. I only just found out, and…” Pavetta looks down and starts fiddling with her hands on her lap. “I’m not even done with high school. My boyfriend is older, but my mom hates him, and she doesn’t even know that we’ve…” She blushes, looking at the wall and taking a breath before continuing. “I know she won’t be happy, and I know I’m not ready, but…” Wide green eyes finally look up to Geralt. “I don’t want to get rid of it. Of her; I have a feeling.” She looks back down to where there isn’t a bump yet, then back to Geralt. “On your profile you said you were interested in open adoptions?”

Geralt nods, hands clenched on his knees. “I think if the kid has an option to know their family, they should.” He looks away, deciding to trust her because she’s trusting him. “I don’t have many memories of my life before the foster system. When I was with my mother. I always wished I could see her again, talk to her. But I couldn’t.” He looks back at Pavetta, who looked a little more emotional. “The terms can be whatever we decide; it can be up to you, your family, and the kid.”

“And you, of course.” She looks a little less nervous now.

“And me.” His opinion seems less important in this to him; he’ll allow whatever contact they want, however much or little that would be.

Pavetta watches him closely a moment longer. “Do you have any other questions for me?”

Geralt shrugs. He’s sure they’ll send him her profile if she picks him. “I think we’ve answered the important things mostly. It’s all your choice; I just want to give someone a better experience than I had. Do you have any other questions for me?”

She shakes her head. “I’ve looked over your information.” Geralt remembers what he said; single, steady job and living situation, all in more detail than that, plus some other background, and the checks the agency did if they shared that. She’s probably thinking it over as well, because after a pause she speaks again. “And you don’t have a partner currently?”

He notices the lack of gendered term but can’t remember if he’d included that in his profile; he had been drunk at the time. “No romantic partner currently, but I have a good support system. The kid would have other people to look up to, and I’d have help if I needed it.” Even if things between him and Yen are…weird right now, he thinks she’d help out. Jaskier too. And others. Even if he hasn’t told them about this yet. He looks back at Pavetta. “And like I said, that would include you and your family if you want.”

She nods, and they talk a little bit more before the meeting wraps up.

\-----

He isn’t sure how the meeting went. Geralt knows that he’s not the best socially, and isn’t fully sure if he’s ready for a child. But he’s probably more ready than Pavetta would be. Still, it’s her choice to make.

He’s still surprised when a week later he gets an email saying Pavetta chose him.

\-----

Geralt and Pavetta meet up more regularly after that. Ostensibly it’s to discuss the upcoming adoption and how they want to set it up, but it seems like Pavetta also just appreciates having someone to talk to outside her usual circles who can be more… impartial.

He also meets Duny, Pavetta’s boyfriend, who has to be close to Jaskier’s age. As mature as Pavetta is for someone who hasn’t finished high school, the age difference still stands out to Geralt. But they seem happy together, surprise pregnancy notwithstanding, so Geralt doesn’t say anything. He gets to know them both, since with an open adoption he may be spending more time around them anyways.

\-----

He still hasn’t told anyone. He’s still living with Jaskier, and is unsure how he’ll have to adjust with a baby. Should he be looking into a new apartment? A baby could go into his room, during the crib stage at least. Geralt has many conversations with Roach about what he should do, but still doesn’t talk to anyone who could reply with actual words. He considers talking to his brothers from Kaer Morhen, but being separated from their families of origin was always a sore subject, so he doesn’t. Maybe he could ask Vesemir, considering he has experience with this in a way, but something stops Geralt before he reaches out. 

He and Yennefer start talking again, but he doesn’t tell her this.

\------

Several more months into the pregnancy, Pavetta has started to really show in a way baggy clothes can’t hide anymore. She meets him at their usual time at their usual coffee shop, but seems especially nervous. Nervous like she hasn’t been since that first meeting, when she was so unsure about what she would do.

Geralt barely sits down before she starts talking. “My mom found out.”

“Okay.” Geralt tries to stay calm in case that will help her. “How did she react?”

“Well she said she’s suspected something was going on, but she and my stepdad didn’t say anything.” Pavetta’s hands fidget with the pastry she’d ordered. “She confronted me yesterday, made me own up to everything.” Pavetta’s mouth twists, one hand going to her stomach. “Even if the local clinic is free, I suppose I couldn’t have hidden her much longer.”

It had been exciting when they found that out, when Pavetta’s suspicions were confirmed. Names had become part of their conversations; both Geralt and Pavetta thought the other should have the final say in naming her, and Duny had refused to weigh in on that when he’d joined them.

But it seemed there were new opinions to consider. “It would have been difficult, but I imagine it still wasn’t an easy conversation.”

“No.” Pavetta looks away, fidgeting more, before taking a deep breath and looking at Geralt. “She wants me to keep the baby. She said that she and Eist, my stepdad, can help with expenses and childcare and all of it so I can keep going to school. She wasn’t happy, but…” Her eyes look back down to her hands. “But she insisted that she didn’t want her grandchild raised by a stranger.”

“Ah.” Geralt folded his hands in his lap. “And what do you want?”

“I…” Pavetta takes a deep breath. “I don’t really think of you as a stranger anymore. Not really. And I tried to tell my mom that it would be an open adoption, that you were really understanding and even wanted us to be a part of her life. But…”

She still isn’t meeting his eyes. “It’s a big decision. You can take time to think about it. We still have a few months until your due date, and the adoption won’t have to be finalized until she’s born.”

“Actually…” Pavetta looks up uncertainly. “I’ve gotten really attached. To her. And if I’ll have support, and be able to finish school…” She takes a deep breath. “I think I want to keep her.”

It rings against a hollow place in Geralt, like he was making room for something that’s just going to leave an emptiness now. But Pavetta still looks so nervous, so he keeps his reaction calm. “Okay.”

“Okay?” She’s still fidgeting.

He takes a deep breath, meeting big green eyes. “I said from the start that I would respect your decisions, and that I wanted what was best for the kid. If you think this is what’s best…” He’s uncertain what to say. “It’ll be an adjustment for all of us.” Not sure if he’s still needed here, he moves to start getting up.

Pavetta’s hand on his wrist stops him. “Wait.”

He slowly sits back down.

“It’s not—“ She clenches her jaw, pulling her hand back as she tries to get her thoughts in order. “You’ve been so steady and reliable in all of this. I feel like I’ve come to depend on you, and weird as it may sound it’s weird to think of her without thinking of you.” Pavetta looks him in the eye. “I think I’d still want you to be in her life, even if you aren’t adopting her. Maybe a godfather?”

He knows that she doesn’t mean any religious connotations to it from past conversations, and he’s a bit relieved. It’s not what he’d thought, but… “I think I’d like that.”

\-----

He and Yen start sleeping together again.

\-----

Duny is the one to text him, when it finally happens.

Geralt doesn’t arrive to the hospital until hours later; he’d been at work and knows that they wouldn’t have let him in to see Pavetta until it was all over anyways.

He also made a stop along the way. It felt wrong to show up empty handed.

So Geralt has his hands behind his back as he walks in to see Duny leaning over Pavetta and partially obscuring her from view, both of them cooing over what must be the baby.

He pauses at the door, feeling a bit like an intruder. They don’t really need him here, do they? He’s almost ready to turn around when Pavetta sees him over Duny’s shoulder.

“Geralt!” Her voice is soft. “Come meet her.”

Duny steps back, allowing Geralt to get closer. Swaddled in blankets in Pavetta’s arms is a newborn, so tiny, with a tuft of white-blonde hair like her mother’s atop her head.

“This is Cirilla.” Pavetta’s eyes don’t leave her sleeping baby.

“You picked a name.” It’s a stupid thing to say, of course they’d had to—

“Yes.” Duny claps a hand on his shoulder. “What do you think?”

“It’s a pretty name.” Geralt shifts awkwardly. “A good name.”

“Thank you.” Pavetta looks up to smile at him, then her eyes land on the bag still clutched in his hand. “Geralt! You didn’t have to get anything.”

“I wanted to.” He shifts awkwardly a moment, not sure what to do since Pavetta has her hands full. Ultimately, he offers it to Duny.

“Let’s see what it is.” He smiles at Geralt as he reaches into the bag, and Geralt has a moment to wonder if he should have wrapped it properly instead of just cutting off the tags and leaving it in the store bag, but then Duny pulls it out and he and Pavetta make twin noises of awe. “It’s a horse!”

“Oh, Geralt!” Pavetta looks between him and the toy. “It’s Roach, isn’t it?”

The toy is a soft stuffed bay horse, with bean-type filling rather than typical stuffing so it can move a little easier. It’s got a white mark on the nose. “I suppose it does look like her.”

“That’s so sweet!” Pavetta turns to the sleeping baby in her arms. “Your godfather got you a horse! Isn’t that nice, Ciri?” She smiles at her, so open and warm, before looking at Geralt. “Would you like to hold her?”

“I—“ Geralt swallows. She’s so small. “Can I?”

“Of course!” With her free hand, Pavetta beckons him closer. “Just make sure you’re supporting her head well, super careful, and I know you know this but I think I still have some of the stuff they gave me to get through labor in my system, and there you go!”

Baby Ciri is absolutely _tiny_ in his arms. Geralt stares down at her, afraid to move. Some part of him can’t believe that if things had gone differently, she would have been his daughter. But most of him is just too stunned to think of anything, too busy staring at the newborn in his arms. “Hello.” He’s vaguely aware of Duny moving to take a picture on his phone, but forgets all about it when the baby opens wide green eyes, so like her mother’s. They stare at each other, Geralt utterly transfixed. 

The moment is shattered when Ciri starts to cry. Geralt looks up to Pavetta, sure his eyes are wide with shock, but she just smiles. “The nurses said she’d probably be hungry soon.”

“Oh.” Still mindful of the tiny baby in his arms, Geralt feels his shoulders slump in relief that he didn’t do something wrong. He starts to shift to give Ciri back to Pavetta. “I’ll give you some privacy then.”

“Okay.” Pavetta takes Ciri back, waving a little as Geralt starts to back out of the room.

“I’ll send you the pictures, they’re great!” Duny holds up his phone for a moment before shifting the horse still held in the crook of his other arm. “And thanks; I’m sure she’ll love it!”

“No problem!” Geralt pauses in the door, waving one last time. “Nice to meet you, Cirilla.”

Pavetta raises one tiny newborn hand to wave back at him, and Geralt nearly freezes once more. But when Ciri starts fussing again, he backs out the door, closing it behind him.

And nearly running into someone. He pauses, taking her in. She’s on the younger end of middle aged, hair still brown even if her features are starting to show some age. She’s also utterly intimidating in a way that even Yennefer may not match. “You must be Calanthe.”

“And you must be the one who nearly stole my granddaughter.” Calanthe crosses her arms over her chest. “What are you doing here? Didn’t Pavetta already say you aren’t needed here?”

“I know she chose to keep the baby; they just invited me because…” He isn’t sure what to say. “I’ve gotten close with them the past few months, over this process.”

Calanthe snorts. “Great, another older man getting ‘close’ with my teenaged daughter.”

Geralt isn’t sure how well he holds back his grimace. “It isn’t like that.”

“I don’t care.” Despite being shorter than him, Geralt feels himself shrink back as she leans into his space. “You aren’t needed here. I have the resources to hire a damn good legal team, and I’m not afraid to use them if I find you lurking around my daughter and granddaughter, understood?”

“Understood.” Geralt ducks his head. “You won’t be seeing much of me, or any.”

“Better be the latter.” Calanthe glares one last time, then seems satisfied as she uncrosses her arms so she can open the door and go in to see the little family gathered inside.

Geralt leaves without another word, only pausing in the parking lot to see the pictures sent to his phone, and save them.

\-----

Some time passes; Geralt gets more pictures of Ciri from Pavetta and Duny, but doesn’t dare save them. He also slowly stops visiting with them as often since he doesn’t want to see what being on the receiving end of Calanthe’s ire would actually be like.

Still, he cherishes when does get to see her now. It’s amazing to think that that tiny newborn is now starting to crawl, and could be walking before long.

It’s nice to have something that’s more exciting than nerve-wracking, especially as things with Yen have taken a turn for the worse again.

He isn’t sure what it is, if it was just all attraction and no compatibility from the start, but that doesn’t seem right. They had their good times, even if they seem few and far between now. But they’re trying things to make it work; they even had a threesome with Jaskier to see if that could bring some sort of spark.

Geralt’s not sure it did.

But on the plus side, Yen and Jaskier get along much better now. Geralt was pretty sure their bickering had started to turn more for sport before this anyways, but now there’s something else to it, not quite fond but close.

So they’re all at Geralt and Jaskier’s place for a movie night. He still hasn’t brought up moving back in with Yen; it’s only about a year since she kicked him out the first time still.

“Hey Geralt, can I get those pictures you took when we went out this weekend? I bet I looked good in them.” Yennefer is scrolling social media on her phone, probably looking to update something to one-up someone. She’s explained it before but he probably could have listened better.

“Sure.” He passes his phone over, more focused on keeping the remote out of Jaskier’s grasp so they don’t end up watching a musical again.

“Thanks.” Yen takes the phone from his hand while he’s still focused on using his shoulder to keep Jaskier away. “I think there’s good ones from before too, I’ll just scroll through.”

“That’s fine.” He switches the remote to his other hand, keeping Jaskier away and ignoring how he’s been whining this whole time with around five years of practice.

It’s quiet a moment, Jaskier finally giving up, before Yen speaks again, her voice cold.

“Geralt, what is this?” She has a tight grip on his phone.

“What?” Jaskier jumps up to look over her shoulder from behind the couch, and she must really be stunned if she’s not smacking him away. A moment later, his wide blue eyes look up at Geralt. “You have a child? When did that happen?”

“Recently, apparently.” Yennefer looks up, violet eyes stormy. “What the fuck, Geralt. Did you cheat on me?”

“This isn’t what it looks like.” Geralt hold up his hands, wincing at his own words. “It happened while we were broken up—”

Yennefer scoffs. “A classic excuse.” She looks over her shoulder. “Jaskier, leave.”

“Excuse me?” He crosses his arms. “This is my apartment, and I’m very curious about this.”

She turns around, and Geralt can imagine her glare. “Julian. Leave. Now.”

“Yes ma’am.” He’s out of the room quickly, and Geralt hears his bedroom door close.

Only then does Yennefer turn around. “Start talking.”

“She—the baby—Ciri is my goddaughter.” It’s the safest answer, but Geralt knows Yennefer deserves the full story. “I was looking into adoption, and that’s how I met her mother, Pavetta. But Pavetta decided to keep Ciri instead.”

Yennefer’s eyebrows raise skeptically. “And you were going to tell me when? Or would we get together one day and you’d announce that I was a mother now, without consulting me?”

Geralt winces. “We were separated when I started looking into adoption. By the time we got together again, Pavetta had already decided to keep her.”

“But you’re her godfather!” Yen’s voice gets a little louder. “You have this important connection to a child, a child you very nearly adopted, and you were just going to keep that from all of us?”

Geralt feels his own temper wearing thin. “You encouraged me to look into adoption; you said you weren’t interested!”

“When?” Yennefer crosses her arms.

“Early on; back when we first got together the first time.” Geralt crosses his arms. “You told me you weren’t thinking about motherhood.”

“I was in law school!” Yennefer stands suddenly, hands fisted at her sides. “I barely had time to think about _you_ outside of fucking! Why the fuck should I be held to something I said when I was so young! I fucking shouldn’t!”

“Well excuse me!” Geralt stands too, leaning into her space. “Sorry for listening to what you said!”

“It’s not that!” Yennefer raises her hands by her head, balling them into fists once more before dropping them to her sides again. “It’s you, always making important choices for me! This is just like when fucking Jaskier had to stop us from getting married!” She rounds on him again, pointing a hand in his face. “Thank fuck for him, because otherwise I’d be tied to you forever!”

“We were both drunk!” Geralt doesn’t back down. “How is that my fault if you were going along with it to?”

“Just shut up!” She points at his phone where lies on the couch. “This makes two times you nearly changed my whole life for me, and that’s a pattern I don’t need.” She grabs her coat and leaves, pausing at the door. “We’re over. For good this time.” She slams the door behind her as she leaves.

Geralt just stands in the middle of the room, dumbstruck, for an uncertain amount of time. He’s jerked out of it by a noise behind him.

“Oof, that was rough.” Jaskier is leaning in the entrance of the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. “One less person to consider when picking a movie though. Although she did side with me to watch _Chicago_ last week, so her taste’s not all bad. Or maybe she just likes scantily clad women singing about murdering men, which honestly—”

“Dammit Jaskier!” Geralt turns on him, anger that had started to cool in the wake of Yennefer’s departure flaring up again. “Don’t you know when something isn’t your fucking business?”

“Excuse me.” Jaskier leans back. “Again, this is my apartment. And you’re both my friends. And you were the one keeping secrets to start with.”

“Just shut the fuck up!” Geralt crosses his arms, distantly feeling he might regret this later. “I don’t want to deal with your antics right now. Don’t you ever know when to shut the fuck up?”

“Wow.” Jaskier raises his eyebrows, but isn’t quick enough to hide the trace of hurt there. He pushes past Geralt to grab a jacket from the rack by the door. “I’m getting some air. I’ll see you later.”

He doesn’t come home that night.

\-----

A few months later, Jaskier somewhat guiltily tells Geralt that he and Yennefer slept together. Yennefer tells him it’s none of his business who she sleeps with.

\-----

A few years later, they go from occasional friends with benefits to something resembling an actual relationship.

A year after that, Geralt is alone in the apartment as Jaskier moves in with Yennefer.

\-----

Sometime between the fight and then, Geralt and Yennefer make their way back to being friends, at least. It took effort, and apologies, but they’re making it work.

He’s with her when he gets the call.

He doesn’t answer, at first. But the same number calls again, and Geralt has an odd feeling in his gut that this is important, so he picks up. “Hello?”

The voice on the other line is calm, but there’s so much noise behind them. “Hello, is this Geralt Rivia? It’s an urgent matter.”

“Yes?” He ignores the odd look Yen gives him.

“Good; I’m calling from Sisters of Melitele Hospital to inform you that there’s been a car accident. You were down as one of the emergency contacts for Pavetta Riannon, and she and her partner are in critical condition; their daughter was in the car with them and—“ he isn’t sure how much of the rest of it he understands, especially over the blood rushing in his ears suddenly. He’d been seeing Pavetta and Duny less and less over the years for fear of Calanthe, and because the little family seemed to be doing well. Pavetta had gone to college thanks to her mother’s support, and little Ciri (according to their updates) was thriving in preschool and looking like she’d have a smooth transition into elementary school when the time came. But now this; he hadn’t been much older than that when he’d lost his mother, and everything had really begun to go off the rails; he couldn’t imagine the same happening to the sweet, energetic child he’d started to only know from afar but still felt so invested in, still felt that connection from when he’d looked into her newborn eyes and—

“Geralt!” By Yennefer’s expression, it wasn’t the first time. “What’s going on?”

He takes a deep breath, returning his phone to his pocket, not sure when the call had ended or if he’d done anything but sit there instead of responding. “Remember that couple I nearly adopted a kid from?”

“How could I forget?” Even after all this time, something in her expression still makes him wince.

“There was a car accident.” Her expression drops as he keeps talking. “The parents may not make it, and the little girl might be all alone and orphaned and, and, and—”

He doesn’t realize his breathing had become erratic until she’s instructing him to breathe and guiding him through it. Violet eyes look over him assessingly. “You’re in no condition to drive. Look up directions and I’ll take you.”

The rest of the day is a blur, only snatches standing out. He sees Calanthe at the hospital with the man that must be her husband from Pavetta’s descriptions, but gives her her distance. Her daughter, her only child, is in the hospital fighting for her life. He can’t imagine the pain. 

He isn’t sure how much time passes as he ends up staring into a room where a little girl with her mother’s white-blonde hair is hooked up to far too many machines.

Yennefer is still with him.

Someone else approaches, looking nervous. “Are you Geralt Rivia?”

“Yes.” He nods cautiously, leaning toward Yennefer’s steadying presence at his side.

“If Miss Riannon and her partner don’t make it, there’s the matter of the will;” must be a lawyer then, “she named you guardian of her child in the event she dies before her daughter reaches—”

“What?!” Calanthe storms over. “I will not allow my grandchild to be taken away!” She looks at Geralt, red-rimmed eyes full of scorn. “Not by some stranger who’s barely been there.”

Geralt bristles, but controls himself. He’s been working on not letting anger get the better of him anymore, and he knows tensions are high right now. “You warned me away. I didn’t want to interfere and make you act on your threats.”

The lawyer looks between them timidly. “It is in the will that Geralt Rivia is supposed to—”

“My daughter must have assumed that I’d never outlive her!” Calanthe’s voice is choked with anger and grief, at the world, at the other driver involved in the accident, at Geralt too probably. But her voice is quieter when she continues. “It was never supposed to happen like this.” She straightens. “My granddaughter will be leaving the hospital with me, and that’s final.”

“Don’t you care about your daughter’s legal wishes?” Yennefer’s voice is unexpected as she steps around Geralt.

“And who are you?” Calanthe crosses her arms.

“A lawyer.” Yennefer doesn’t back down. “And friend of Geralt’s.”

Calanthe eyes her suspiciously. “You’re one of deVries’, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.” Yennefer tilts her chin up.

“This isn’t even your area of practice.” Calanthe takes a deep breath, almost hiding how it rattles. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to see my daughter. But this isn’t over.” She turns with a flourish, going back to her husband.

The lawyer has disappeared somewhere by the time Geralt has gathered his wits enough to turn to Yennefer. “What was that?”

“You’re welcome.” Yennefer flips her hair over one shoulder. “Geralt, do you want a chance of ever taking care of that child?”

He hesitates. “She has her grandmother. If Calanthe could give her a good life…”

“And if something else happens?” Yennefer raises an eyebrow. “Geralt, if you don’t put up at least a little fight now, the courts will have no record that anyone cares beyond Calanthe. So if something bad happens again, she’ll have nothing. Just another traumatized kid in the foster system.”

Geralt winces, and Yennefer softens like she knows she hit a nerve and maybe regrets it. He hasn’t told anyone the full story, of course. The bit where he thought his mother might come back, that the day she left him in that park and never came back was all just a mistake, the hope that slowly died as he bounced between placements as no-one wanted to keep the white-haired freak of a child who kept crying himself to sleep until they forced him to learn that real boys don’t cry, the schools where he never fit in, starting to act out because no one cared anyways and he was just so angry, so angry all the time, ten years of that until he finally landed at the Kaer Morhen Boys Home and Vesemir and the horses at the ranch managed to soothe some of his ragged edges even as so much pain lingered, as he finally finished high school late then ran off trying to find himself but only making so many mistakes, trying college and feeling so old compared to bright eyed-freshmen and meeting Jaskier and later Yennefer and their friends but still feeling that he didn’t belong and dropping out, only really feeling like he’d come together and started to begin to find himself and work on things when he was closer to thirty than twenty. And so much of the pain and anger was still there, waiting to be sorted out. “I would never want that for her.”

“So fight now, in case it matters later.” Yennefer nodded. “I can connect you to law school classmates who went on to specialize in this sort of thing; even if you concede or whatever and she goes with Calanthe it’ll matter later.” Yennefer looks in on the hospital room with the so-small girl and he swears something in her angry crossed-arm posture softens slightly. “You never know what’ll happen.”

“Her parents may still pull through.” Geralt finds himself looking into the hospital room too. “I just want what’s best for her.”

\------

Pavetta and Duny don’t make it.

He goes to the funeral when it happens, making sure to avoid Calanthe and the pale-haired little girl standing unsteadily by her side, holding her hand.

\-----

He doesn’t really want this to go to court. Having the legal system involved in your childhood wasn’t a good experience for him, and even if Geralt’s played an increasingly smaller role in Ciri’s life he doesn’t want that for her. He just wants it to be on the record that someone cares about her, just in case the worst happens again. Losing your family is a painful experience, one that he never would have wished on her once, but if it happens again… better to have someone than no one.

So he talks to the lawyer Yen recommends, but ultimately goes to the meeting with Calanthe and her team and the mediator alone.

He pauses in surprise when he enters the room. “Mousesack?”

A familiar face turns around, equally surprised. “Geralt?” He laughs. “When I saw the name I wondered, but I didn’t realize it was actually you!” He pulls Geralt in for a quick hug before pulling back.

“What are you doing here?” Geralt unsteadily makes his way to the table in the conference room, feeling out of place in the fomalwear Yen and Jaskier insisted he wear.

Mousesack, notably, sits on the opposite side of the table. “I’m counsel for Mrs. Riannon.” He looks a bit guilty. “I swear I had no idea it was you; I’ve been working for her for years now, and it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other…”

“It’s ok.” Geralt holds up a hand to stop him. “I’m probably not going to put up much of a fight. I want what’s best for Ciri, and if that’s staying with her grandparents and not me, so be it. But a lawyer friend of mine said that if I was concerned about the kid I should make that known now, while my name is being considered, in case something else happens down the line.”

“Is that a threat?” Geralt winces at Calanthe’s voice behind him, and watches as she walks into the room and takes a seat across from him, next to Mousesack. “Because I have looked into your history, Mr. Rivia, including arrest records, and I must say I would never want someone of your… background in the company of my granddaughter, much less as her primary caretaker.”

Geralt shrinks in on himself. “I’d never…” He’s appalled by the implications of her words, but isn’t sure how to voice that. His past is his past; he regrets things he’s done but he can’t change them now. “That was a long time ago, and I’ve worked to change. I just want what’s best for Ciri.”

“Hmm.” Calanthe’s gaze doesn’t soften. “If you truly did, you wouldn’t be here trying to take her. There’s a reason I left her with her grandfather today; you’ve already tried to steal her before.”

“That’s not…” Geralt takes a deep breath. “As soon as Pavetta said she wanted to keep her, I stopped pursuing adoption. You know that; she must have told you.”

Calanthe’s mask slips slightly, and Geralt catches a glimpse of the overwhelming pain and grief underneath. “Don’t use my dead daughter’s words against me.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.” He means it; he knows how it feels to have all the grief turn to anger just looking for an outlet, but he doesn’t think he’d ever have the words to tell her that if he tried. “But I’m not trying to take your granddaughter; I’m just trying to show she has multiple people who care.”

Calanthe pauses a moment, almost as if she understands. But it’s gone as quickly as it comes. “Let’s just wait for the mediator.”

\-----

The meeting goes about as well as expected, and subsequent ones go no better.

Geralt is glad that he didn’t actually manage to drive Jaskier and Yen out of his life, that night years ago. Rough as that night alone in the apartment with his regrets and guilt had been, he’s grateful they came back.

Jaskier’s humor may still be ill-timed at times, but it’s a welcome reprieve at others. And his patience has helped Geralt grow his own; they’ve both changed so much since they met.

And Yennefer…It’s amazing to see her in her element, so to speak. Even if Geralt refused formal legal help for this, she still reviews every meeting with him, helping him prepare for the next.

He finally breaks down and asks her one day, sitting at a bar while Jaskier gets them another round in a break from Geralt’s latest story of the proceedings.

“Why are you helping me with this?” He picks at the label of his beer bottle, not quite willing to meet her eyes. “This was the reason we broke up, back then. Why help me now?”

Yennefer sighs and is quiet a moment before her one of her hands reaches out and covers his own, stilling his fidgeting. “You’re a good person, and you want things so rarely. You’re too willing to give them up; you deserve someone to teach you how to fight for yourself.”

He looks up, finally meeting violet eyes that are softer than usual.

She squeezes his hand. “We didn’t work out, that way. But you’re my friend, and just because you don’t deserve me like that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve nice things. And kids deserve people who care about them, and would treat them right. I think you can be that for this little girl, and she deserves that too.”

There’s something unreadable in her eyes at that last part, and Geralt’s too overwhelmed with everything else to try to figure it out.

Before either of them can say anything more, Jaskier arrives, setting down their drinks and rambling about something that happened while he was waiting at the bar. He pauses and pulls Yen in for a soft kiss when he notices the troubled look on her face and she goes easily, and it doesn’t even hurt Geralt to see it anymore. He’s happy they have each other, really.

If he can be there for them like they’ve been there for him, he hopes they’ll know what it means even if he can’t say it.

\-----

He doesn’t get custody. He isn’t sure how he feels, since he wasn’t really fighting for it in the first place, but this feels more definitive than before, when Pavetta chose to keep her.

Geralt already knows that he won’t be getting pictures and updates like before, and certainly not invitations to visit. He’d been becoming distant enough from Pavetta and Duny that he wonders if Ciri would have even recognized him, if he saw her.

He supposes it doesn’t matter now.

\------

The emptiness is still there, as much as he tries to ignore it as the years pass. He wonders how she’s doing now, if she adapted to elementary school as well as her parents predicted, or if the tragedy derailed her life.

Calanthe would do anything for her, he knows that much. Ciri has people who love her, and want the best for her. She’s taken care of.

That’s all he wanted for her, isn’t it?

\------

Geralt wonders if he’d recognize Ciri if he saw her, now. She’d be almost in middle school, wouldn’t she?

\------

He tries to put all thoughts of it out of his mind. He considers looking into adoption again, but if it fell through again…

Geralt has people. He’s got friends that have become family from all stages of his life, or at least from Kaer Morhen into adulthood. And he’s raised Roach from when she was a foal his first year there, and that has to count for something.

So he doesn’t think of the green-eyed baby or the white-blonde little girl, of what she’d be like now. He doesn’t.

\------

He actually doesn’t, for a while. Until he gets another phone call from a hospital.

\------

Calanthe passes not long after Eist did. He doesn’t ask for the details, doesn’t want to know. He’d go to the funeral with Ciri if she asked, but otherwise…

It’s a surprise, that she’d apparently had this change of heart so close to the end.

Must have been a surprise to her legal team as well, because they’d almost missed him when they tracked him down. He’d moved, and he still had a spare room for reasons he couldn’t explain but now…

Now it won’t be a spare room anymore, will it?

\------

It takes a while to get it all sorted out; he actually does bring in Yen’s law school classmate this time, just to make sure. If she’s lost so much already, he wants to make sure that Ciri knows she has someone who cares, that she doesn’t feel discarded and unlovable, or that she must be somehow to blame for—

It brings up more for him than he thought, it seems. More to work on.

But that can be later. For now, there’s a girl in his spare room, unpacking whatever belongings she has left. Geralt and Yennefer had gone with her to sort things through and pack it up, to decide what to bring. Jaskier had wanted to come, but they agreed it was best to go slow, not overwhelm her. She’s so young and probably barely hanging on by a thread already; she can meet everyone later.

But for now Yennefer has left, and it’s just Geralt and Ciri. He took his time getting food ready to give her time to settle in, start unpacking. He remembers it being a difficult process, but he’d also never known how long he’d stay. He hopes she knows she can stay here.

Finally, the food is ready and he can’t put it off much longer without things getting cold. He carefully goes and knocks on the door; he doesn’t get a response but it’s ajar so he cautiously pushes it open.

Ciri is on her bed, headphones in and furiously scribbling away in a journal. It’s the first thing he notices, and he doesn’t want to disturb her so he looks around to see how she’s getting settled in. There’s still a lot to unpack, but that’s to be expected. But he sees one thing that makes his heart stop, and he’s moving into the room and picking it up before he really has time to think.

It’s worn almost threadbare in some spots, and one eye looks on the brink of falling off. He hadn’t seen it when she was packing up and tried not to think too much of it, but at the sight of it the memories come rushing back, awkwardly wandering the toy store until he found one that stood out, carefully taking off the tags and putting it in the bag, bringing it to the hospital and seeing the happy young couple leaning in together over—

“Give me that!” Ciri’s shout would be enough to make him drop the stuffed horse in surprise if he hadn’t been holding it so tightly. Still, she’s off the bed and grabbing it before he can react beyond letting her take it. She’s tucking it behind her back and rambling uncertainly, not meeting his eyes. “I know I’m too old for these things; you weren’t supposed to see it but I just couldn’t let go cuz it’s one of the only things I still have from my parents and—and—”

“Breathe.” He’s kneeling in front of her, just below her face level, carefully reaching out to wipe the tears that have started to flow. Green eyes still don’t meet his as he demonstrates deep breaths and waits for her to match him. “It’s okay, it’s absolutely ok.” He carefully lays a hand on her shoulder in a way he hopes is comforting. “You’re allowed to hold on to whatever you want that brings you comfort; I’ll never judge you for that, and if anyone else says otherwise just ignore them.” It’s something he wished he’d heard when he was younger, when he’d get mocked for missing favorite toys that had vanished with his mother. He takes a deep breath, wiping away more of her tears before he carries on. “I was just surprised; not that you had stuffed animals but because…” he hesitates, unsure, before continuing. “I gave that to your parents for you on the day you were born. I didn’t know you still had it.”

Ciri finally looks at him, sniffling. “You really knew my parents?”

Geralt nods, cautiously. “Not very well, but enough. Would you want to hear about them?” It’s what he would have wanted at her age, he knows, but he can’t assume she’d want the same. It’s different for everyone.

“Maybe.” Ciri hiccups around another sob. “It hurt Grandma to talk about my mom, but she still tried to tell me. I might want to know more.”

“I can do that.” Geralt pulls her into a hug, and is surprised by how tightly she holds back, feeling the stuffed horse hit his back where she’s still holding it. “How about we talk while we eat? Dinner’s ready.”

“Okay.” He hears her nod in agreement, but she makes no move to let go.

Not thinking too much, he adjusts his grip to better carry her. “Hold on tight.” He carefully starts to stand.

Even if she’d adjusted as well, Ciri yelps a little in surprise when he moves. Still, her voice sounds awed, not alarmed. “Grandpa said I was getting to big to carry, back before…” She trails off, and Geralt thinks he feels the shoulder of his shirt get a little wetter.

His heart breaks for her again, and then and there he vows to be the absolute best he can be for her, as if that hadn’t been all he wanted since he first saw her. “Not for me. You’ll never be too much for me.” He shifts to press a kiss to her forehead as he walks them to the kitchen for dinner, and something inside him feels whole for the first time in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Let know what you thought! As I said, there is more to come in this modern AU, technically set within this because this spans over a decade. I'll be adding the series marker to this once I think of a name I like for the series, but that should be soon so be on the lookout if you're interested! 
> 
> Also I have very complicated feelings about Calanthe and her role in this (and her more generally, and everyone here tbh) so feel free to come talk about that with me in the comments. Or talk about anything, I have so many feelings about this AU and this fic and and The Witcher in general, especially since I'm currently rewatching it. So thoughts or feelings?


End file.
